An open letter to my small sisters on love and relationships
Dear little sisters,
Being young and in love must be the greatest feeling in the world at that time. There is nothing more perfect than this. I had watched enough movies and telemundo soaps to be convinced that this was what i wanted and i looked forwarded for my turn. The media portrayed this as the perfect love and i would even fantasize being one of the lucky ladies on TV. At this time i was a young girl still in High School. I was not of age yet but a deep yearning in me had already started being stirred. In a few more years i would be in University where i would get to live out my dream and off course study, a story for another day.
Soon enough i joined the university and the feeling i had as i walked through the gates was amazing. I was finally here the legendary university where only tales of fun and happiness flowed. I looked around at the other students as they walked around. They looked very nice, happy, carefree and living the campus life. I looked at the field and saw a group of boys chatting with one of them dancing freely, another group was playing basket ball with a group of ladies looking on. It was evident the guys were putting their best foot forward as lovely ladies were looking on. I was finally here and maybe this is where i would find my one true love.
The advances did not take long. These campus boys seemed to have very sweet words to say however i knew i had not yet found the one as my heart would alert me when it did happen. When it finally did, it was the weirdest feeling. It was not as i had seen in the movies. At first i fought with myself before accepting it and then i slowly plunged into it. It seemed perfect. There was no other place i would have ever wanted to be. It seemed the movies were right. I poured out my heart into this love and loved as if my life depended on it. I left nothing to chance. I was ready to even walk down the aisle at any moment, need i say i was still underage? The naivety of young love.
So drowned in the love was i that i did not read the warning signs and neither did i realize that our expectations of each other were different. What is happening here i wondered? They didn’t act this part out in the movies. It got even more confusing when the words that broke my heart were uttered. I had never known one would ever feel such emotional pain. This pain was even greater than a cut and there were no pain killers for me to take. My life crushed in front of my eyes as the only truth that i had ever known turned to a lie. It is at that moment i realized that one does not necessarily marry their first love and hearts do get broken not once or twice but a million times. Was it ever worth it, is a question i have found myself asking after all those years. Were any of them ever worth it?
See at this point i had not yet known God the one who is love. I did not realize that there is no love without him. Apart from Him it was not love but the reversed definition of love by the devil. It is in my brokenness that i sought to find out why there was such a great contradiction between love in the world and love according to God’s way. I was surprised that the difference was not only massive but actually impossible to compare the two. The first thing that caught my attention was Proverbs 4:23 that says ‘above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life’. I wondered why God would say this. Didn’t he want me to fall in love? Wasn’t love who He was? Didn’t he want us to spread it? Share it? The world on the other hand portrayed a perfect version of love, a love that was so passionate and advertised being intimate as the ultimate expression of love. They however forgot or rather cunningly failed to mention that such love does not exist and that being intimate was the beginning of one’s misery and emptiness.
God from the very onset warned us against opening up our heart to just anyone for He knew how deep we can love and it is in that love that our hearts will be shattered.He knew He did not make many men for you but only one. He knew by opening up your heart to the other men who were not your rib the only thing they would do is deflower your perfect red heart and turn it to a bandaged one.We all know we can heal from a cut injury, but we also know very well that, that injury leaves a scar behind. In His perfect love He desired we wait on Him for He is the author of a perfect love story, but we felt He was taking too long and preferred the easy way. The telemundo way.
Years down the lie you look back and the only thing you can say with utter sincerity is none of them was ever worth it. None of them is even with you as we speak. The only thing that the men leave along your life’s path is a new scar. The other unfortunate part about relationships is that they do not encourage you to look forward for your big day but rather they create a fear in you that all men are the same, making you never look at them the same way again. If anything you are ready to enter marriage confident that in case of anything, there is divorce, thank God for learned lawyers who created this escape route.
At this time God looks unto you with a sad look, saying “if only you knew the plan i had for you and your love life. Plan to bring you prosperity and not disaster. A plan,to bring about the future you hope for”. He looks at the perfect man He created for you and seeks to tell you, “He was always here all along. You just never waited for him” by now you are too damaged to accept this truth and so the moment he walks into your life the paranoia built over the years is your motivation any time anything small happens. Eventually you can’t take it and as you had anticipated you get your divorce. You did not stick around to ever get to know what God had planned for you. You resign to a life of misery confident that indeed there are no good men. You find yourself seeing married men as a better option because for some twisted reason created by the devil himself,you at least know what you are getting with them.
Dear little sisters, the truth is the way the world defines love is the total opposite of what God intended it to be. You can trust God to write a great love story, He is love Himself. However for all the twisted plans the devil has created to make us not see the truth, we believe the lie and reject God’s truth. And we live it for years. We somehow or rather most of the time do not believe the plans God has for us. Sometimes i fear we are intimidated by their perfectness and greatness that we would rather accept less for even in the first place we do not think we deserve them. But that’s God for us, He wants only the very best for us. That’s all He ever wanted.
God’s intentions for love and relationships were not for us to never fall in love. He just wants us to be a little patient as He assures us there is a time for everything as is well written in the book of Ecclesiastes. Our youth and young days are not meant to chase the idea of a perfect man for years on end until we realize we are married and still chasing this idea. In our youth God gives us the gift of singlehood.
A choice many of us never take for we have been told being single is a bad thing and it is sad. This is not so. It is at this time we get to experience our first love with the creator of love Himself. We get to give our heart to a God who will never break it and He takes it for safe keeping. Our first love encounter is with God and thus does not become an event that triggers a catastrophic chain of reactions in all our other relationships but creates a genuine longing for what lays ahead. Meanwhile God is busy making you be the woman He created you to be to a point you become complete and ready. No man can define love for you other than in God’s definition for you know better. You end up waiting upon the day and hour of the Lord for you know beyond reasonable doubt that what God has in store for you is greater.
Unfortunately most of us spend our youth chasing this love as incomplete persons who have no idea what love is and any sign of affection for us meant love. How would we have ever known when we did not take time to learn from love Himself? We end up never getting to even know who we are for all we ever did was be defined by a man in our lives. Somehow we became addicted to the idea of love and a relationship to a point each time we were single we felt incomplete, while God desired we first be complete persons whole and not needing another human for validation before giving us this man of our ribs.
My dear sisters, you are young and beautiful with a long life ahead of you. There is no need to rush into love and a relationship for you to feel better, trust me at the end of the day you will feel worse than before. There is no hurry little sisters, look even if you get married at 30 you will still get to stay with you love more years than you were single. The only thing that a relationship that was never meant to be, does is damage your precious heart. My dear sisters please choose to trust the Lord with your hearts and let any man who wants you, ask God for you. You can be sure God will only say yes to the man He custom made for you.
Big sister with love.