“You are too much for me” he said with a look of disgust on his face.” I don’t think we can really work out unless you change some things about you” he proceeded to say. “What do you mean? This is just who I am, how can I change to be someone else?” she asked in between tears. “I have done everything you have asked of me even when I know it is not me or made me uncomfortable. Is it still not enough?” she desperately questioned him. He gave her that look that had come to stab her heart each time she saw it. “You are too much for me, I don’t think I can handle you as you are” he said before shutting the door.
I may not know how many times you have been too much for your love, family and friends but I can bet there are a few. “You are too quiet, why don’t you speak more?” “You are too serious, why are you even like that?” “You are too loud, ever thought of staying quiet more?” “You never get anything done right, I give up” “Why can’t you be a little bit more like your friend Carla? She is quite the lively one” “I don’t like your make up, it’s too much” “Your beautiful but I know you would look better if you lost some of that weight and became slimmer” “Your opinions are too much” and so much more. Of aspects in our lives that are both inborn and acquired overtime. Such words and sentiments are not foreign to most of us. “YOU ARE JUST TOO MUCH”.
The feeling of being too much is one that I have interacted with personally and know well. It is a feeling that I have walked in for quite long. Somehow being me is too much and when I am being someone I am not, it is never enough. The irony of life. Most people or situations have seen me keep up appearances by being a lesser or more person, who is definitely not me to accommodate the people in my life and become more acceptable. I call it being considerate they call it not enough. Yet each time I be me, they call it too much as no one is ready to deal with or face the real me.
This has in turn left me robbed of any sense of self for not being the person I was created to be .Being someone else is honestly tiring and unfulfilling and I am tired. I am tired of keeping up appearances. I am tired of the fear of displaying my real self and being called out as a show off. I am tired of being apologetic for the strong woman I am and will continue to be. I am tired of selling myself short. I am tired of doing everything I don’t like as opposed to what I want. I am tired of being everything and everyone, everybody wants me to be except myself. “Would the real me please FINALLY stand up!”
“What is that that you are writing so passionately?” asked a voice that I knew so well. I smiled and turned to face Him. This is the only time in my life that I did not have to pretend to be someone else or something am not. I would present myself emotionally naked before Him without any worry. Before Him I stood completely bare, each and every engraved scar and obvious flaws open for Him to see. Yet as I stood before Him, I felt refreshed to know that He would not judge me, reject me or be afraid of being too much for Him in my raw form. Others called it the beast, He called it beauty. My dear heavenly Father, how delighted I was to be in His Presence.
“Papa, I am just tired of being too much for the people in my life” I said as I looked at Him “I feel as if I have to apologize constantly for who I am”, I finished saying. “Oh my sweet child, you are never too much never been too much but always been enough for me, just as you are. I, your maker, watched you being formed in our mother’s womb. I saw you before you were born, recording each and every day of your life in my book. I laid out each moment of your life before a single day had passed. I made you so wonderfully complex and my thoughts of you more precious than gold. Why then would the thoughts of other men, who I have also created be dearer to you than my own?” He asked lovingly.
“Oh Papa how so easily I forget your marvelous workmanship in me .How easily I disapprove your precious thoughts of me and seek those of men. I just want to be enough for the people in my life and not too much yet all I want is to be me.”
“Dear child, even when my son Jesus Christ came to this world as Himself, living out His purpose, many thought He was too much, in fact they spoke and plotted against Him. My own Son could not get the approval of everyone yet remained true to Himself for He knew my thoughts of Him, the only ones that mattered and worthy to approve anyone. Why not you?”
Kindly watch on you tube:https://youtu.be/uWi5iXnguTU.
Picture by Liz Griffin of the Lark and bloom blog